Had to go over this with the lady last night. Perhaps is of general use for bachelor party explaining. Insert your own You Are Here.
A Note about the Gentleman’s Responsibilities With Regard to His Physique as the Summer Approaches*
Though the gentleman’s responsibilities with regard to his physique are not seasonally specific, the summer months do tend to betray the state of his physical affairs as other seasons don’t. As such, it is productive at this time to review some useful guidelines.
I. THE RULE OF PARITY
The gentleman should maintain himself at the level he has established for the ladies he receives. If he expects to be living in a world of high-8s and 9s, he had better be at the gym himself. It is decidedly inappropriate to expect otherwise. In fact, the gentleman who acts without an understanding of this rule is somewhat of a tragedy.
II. THE RULE OF SPOUSAL PARITY
In the event the gentleman is in an advanced state of domestication, he should be aware that the rule of parity holds. In fact, it is during these summer months that he should be most aware of the rule and must make real and true judgements about his financial and emotional cumulative achievements before concluding that his dismissal of the Rule of Parity is a sensible tack.
III. ON THE GENTLEMAN’S KEEPING ON OF HIS SHIRT
A month such as August does make way somewhat for the gentleman to be shirtless, or otherwise in a public state of semi-dress. He should be aware, however, that the following are the only acceptable opportunities for him to be without a shirt:
1. A significant body of water is clearly visible (the “SBOW” rule) and it is not being used primarily as a prop, such as at a cocktail party. An example of an insignificant body of water is a kiddie pool.
2. He has been in sight of a significant body of water in the last 90 seconds and expects to return to same or equal body of water with matching haste.
3. He is in his bedroom or another bedroom to which he has gained admittance.
4. He is in a men’s locker room.
5. He is in a working out situation and removal of his shirt will improve his overall appearance, such as if the gentleman has sweated fully through his shirt and he is comfortable with what is underneath.
Gentleman with prodigious chest or back hair will want to take great pains to err on the side of conservatism in this regard. Further, there is the matter of shorts, which, insomuch as they setup a state of semi-dress, is relevant here. Day light hours only for them — and assuming no other guidelines, such as IV below, are disregarded in the process of wearing them.
IV. BATHING SUITS THAT ARE EXPLAINED AS “EUROPEAN STYLE” OR AGE-INAPPROPRIATE BATHING SUITS
V. IN LIGHT OF ALL THIS, QUICK FIXES
Especially as compared to the lady, and on a percentage basis only, the gentleman can, actually, make significant changes to his physical entry with some amount of speed. Juice cleanses, trainers, and carb bans are all fair game, especially in combination, though the gentleman should give himself 45 days at a minimum to execute. However, here are some behaviors that are not to be employed:
1. Any dinner table declaration of any kind that he is cleansing. The cleanse is to be done in private and should the gentleman be cleansing for three days, for example, he will clear his schedule for three days.
2. Any gym-type activity in street clothes, in a matter of showing off his progress. Ie. office push-up contests.
3. Whining about in-progress quick-fixing.
*Part I, perhaps